My experience commuting round
Abuja this past week has been hellish and difficult, yet funny. My “Baby Boy”
decided to break down, leaving me with the choice of patronizing public
transport. Without bragging, I can’t remember when last I spent this long days jumping
from one taxi to the other. God has been so faithful that He has sustained me
this long.
Well, that is not the purpose of
this piece. I have to state that fact early enough before haters stop reading
it as quick as they can. Or before they turn-up the control bars of the level
of their hatred. Lols!
This piece is all about the many
types of commuters you find in Abuja.
1. THE TALKATIVE: This set of commuters
can talk for Africa. Right from the very minute they walk up to you at the
bus-stop, they start by asking stupid rhetorical questions like “Bros, how the
road be nah? Motor dey bah?” Also, they can rush taxi like say nah the last
flight to heaven. As they are rushing, they are also bargaining the price. And
when they finally board the bus/taxi, their talking business continues to a top
gear. They talk about any and everything. If they did not break one strange
news that has never been heard of, they will talk about an old one with
additions or subtractions. Even when their co-commuters are not responding, they
shift the talk to the driver. Their case is worse if they dare sit in the front
seat or by the taxi/bus’s window. They talk to every other taxi/bus or car
overtaking the taxi/bus they are in. Did I hear you say “these set of commuters are annoying?” Wait till you read about the
other set of commuters.
2.
THE
PHONE/GADGET ADDICTS: I don’t know if I should call this set of commuters
big boys and big girls or I should just call them bunch of attention seekers. Just
like the last set of commuters (The TALKATIVES), these ones are ever busy with
their phones and gadgets right from when standing at the bus-stop. They stand
and mind their phone. Saying “Hi” or “Hello” to them is a waste of your time
because their ears are already blocked with ear buds. Right inside the
bus/taxi, they switch from Facebook to Whatsapp and then to Instagram before
heading to twitter. They laugh out loud with reckless abandon as if they are in
AY show. When they play games, they shout like someone that have placed a huge
amount of money on home team to win on bet9ja but then the home team is one
goal down. They make all sorts of noisy calls at the top of their voices. At
the end of every call, they soliloquize and analyze it. “This babe think say I
be mugu” Like we said you are! “Nawa
for this man o, just because I gave him my number that’s why he is disturbing
my life with phone calls” My sister, na
your own hand you take give am the number o! “Hmm…I can’t do that job for
#500,000, I don pass that level abeg” Mr
man, you don pass job of five hundred thousand naira and you still follow us dey
rush #100 taxi? Go tell that to the birds flying about in Sambisa forest. If I
hear!
3. THE DEAF AND DOMB: This set of
commuters are just there. . I would have called them ghosts but that might
sound ruthless on my part. When they board bus/taxi, they behave like they are
in Mars. They don’t speak a word or reply any. Even when you extend the first
hand of friendship through greeting, what you get in return is just a hand wave
of “Hi”, “Hello” or “Hwfa”. The longest word you can hear from them is “Yes”, “No”
or “Ask the driver”; depending on the type of question you throw at them. The most annoying thing about this set of
commuters is that even when everyone else is shouting “Jesus…Jesus…Jesus” at
the slightest sign of a mishap, they stare blindly like they have a spare life
chilling at home. I don jus gerrit!
4. THE COMPLAINANTS: I will close this
piece with this set of commuters –the complainants. They complain virtually
about everything. If it is not about their family, then it is about the
country. I would have combined them with The Talkatives but this set
of commuters only complain, whereas the former talk about everything, including
jokes. The complainants are also aggressive. Due to their unending complaints,
they are cantankerous and get aggressive at the slightest provocation. God help
you, you don’t step on their foot push them a little during the rush for space
in any taxi/bus that comes around. Inside the bus/taxi, they never ever have
enough space for themselves. They always demand the nearest person to them to “adjust”
for space for them. They’ll narrate to you how they have been hustling for bus/taxi
since after fuel subsidy removal if you pay attention to them. “This country
don tire persin” is their anthem. The funny thing about this set of commuters
is this: Despite their complaints of how tired they are with life and the
country, they are the first to shout “Jesus…Jesus…Jesus” for little things like
the car driving through a pothole. The
next thing you hear from them is a stern warning to the driver to drive carefully.
Life don tire you, yet you no wan die. .
. isoorait!
My word of encouragement to commuter
reading this piece is this; as you hustle to have your own car, please
accommodate everyone that you meet in a taxi/bus because people are just
different in their ways.
Live and let live!
-centokoh
